Will you join us on this journey?

Chairein!

(Pronounced Chai-rain) which means Greetings in Greek and the transliteration is “Joy to You.”

Before you go thinkin’ I’m some Greek and/or transliteration commentarist (not sure if that is even a word)…just know that Miss Elizabeth Moore taught us this very Greeting in tonight’s Video session where we are studying the book of James together J

I needed to start this blog by saying “Greetings!” b/c yes, it has been awhile since I’ve blogged.

It’s been awhile, but not b/c I don’t have anything to say…I mean COME ON, I’m a chic, it’s been awhile b/c life just happens sometimes.  I can barely stay awake past 9pm lately, I have a 2.5 year old who delightfully occupies my time, I lead a Princess Posse group, I work full time and I’m going back to school to obtain my Masters…whew, I’m tried just typing that!  I’m not trying to write my resume here, just sayin’ life happens sometimes!  J

Sooo what does this voice comin’ from a Princess have to say…

Let’s begin by saying the main purpose of this entry is to ask for something from all of you, the readers.  If you are the prayin’ kind of gal or guy (not sure I have to many guy readers, but hey…never know…) I have a prayer request.  My request is that Team Ulin actively and clearly discerns on a big decision we have added to our plate.  Psh, there is no one size fits all plate up in my family.  When there isn’t room, we pile it on top of something else.  Kind of like my Thanksgiving dinner plate…I like turkey and ham, so I throw that ham right on top of the turkey to make more room for the sweet potatoes…can I get an amen?!  And yes, I make sure I do a spinning class Thanksgiving morning soley and only so I can eat an extra piece of cheesecake, although my friend Alicia's chocolate pie has now made it to the 'favorites' list! 

Before I dive in to what the big decision is (my Princess Posse is already snap snapin at this point b/c they surely know where this car is headed…) let me begin w/ a bit of background.  Team Ulin consist of Phil, myself and our beautiful and full of sass 2.5 year old Kaylee Gabriella Ulin.  However, we would love to be Team Ulin party of 4…or possibly b/c we know God likes curve balls, party of 5.  But for the sake of everyone, please for the Love of our Heavenly Rockin’ Father (sayin that for real, not in vain)…let’s not make our plate like so heavy it like spills into a big mess.  PTL for that! J  Team Ulin has been trying to expand to a party of 4 for 17 months.  I won’t bore you with details (ESP if there really are male readers-HA) but clearly we have not been successful.  Or rather, it just hasn't been our story/His plan yet.  Let me like back up one more step and say, through all of these 17 months, we have really tried our hardest to stay positive and remind ourselves that God’s plan is always perfect.  I will add that I am human…and female…so yes there have been a LOT of tears, disappointment, why questions, confusion (lots of confusion), doctor visits, tests, new techniques some of which I laugh out loud just remembering…such as the first time I ever let my chiropractors partner use an ink pen to click the back of my neck while I stuck my hand on a vile of something and stared at her like a crazy women as she clicked away asking me if I felt it?!  (Disclaimer, I absolutely LOVE and am FOR chiropractic…I just thought this woman was crazy for a moment, that’s all.)   Through all of this, there has also been restored hope, upon restored hope, upon A-Ha moments of “Oh that’s why it hasn’t happened yet” (for example when I came down w/ Dengue Fever on Aug 21^st and thought I was surely dying!) Through these 17 months God has shown me who He is even in the valleys of depression, disappointment and confusion.  He has proven to me time and time again that He feels my pain just as much as I do.  I promise you that He knows, that He listens and that He is in control.  I recently received a text message from a distant girlfriend who has absolutely NO Idea any of this is going on.  The text message read “God already knows the pain you have experienced and can feel it.  Do not let it hinder His plans for you”  What this distant girlfriend did not know…is that later that day, I would get a big explicit piece of information letting me know this month was still not our time.  (ps when I received her text at 8:34am, my reply was "Good morning, are you sure you sent this to the right person?  as I had no clue what she was talking about until about 3pm in the afternoon)  For any women out there who have experienced a similar story…you KNOW just how HARD day 1 of a cycle is.  Can I get another AMEN?    Or two amens…b/c another one is needed for the friend who felt called to deliver a message that would once again restore the hope back in my life.  Let me stop (do you feel like you have whiplash yet…I’m going to be backin’ up, and stopping, and movin’ forward a lot so strap on that seatbelt!)   and add that I wish we got these messages monthly!  There were many months, two in particular, that I will never ever for the rest of my life forget.  Those two months were very very very hard on me…and there was not a restoration of hope in those valleys.  The restoration often comes later.  I’ll add that He always knows what we can handle and His timing is always perfect.  The month I got the text message, He knew how badly I needed a word from Him to keep going.  Not to keep going w/ trying to expand to a Party of 4…to literally keep going walking w/ Him, b/c boy I was in a valley!  I was so confused, in fact, I have never been more confused and broken over something in my entire life.  I am not going to get into all the details of why I was so confused, but know that it was a ROUGH month.  He knew how badly I needed to be reassured in a real and tangible way.  He knew that I could not take one more month like I had the previous month.  He knew there were not enough kleenex left in our house to get me through another 'day 1' ...we had wiped out the kleenex supply the month before!  Jut trust me, he knew I needed a word.  Some of those moments are not to be shared, those are between He and I. and Phil. But trust me, He knew,  and…He delivered it, according to His timing.  And I replied with "you can't make this stuff up!" :)  THAT is how cool and real He is.

Ok…if you are reading my blog for the first time, hang in there…I swear there will be substance and points to all this.  But also know that someone out there needs to hear my story.  Someone out there knows what I’m screamin’…someone out there knows my pain and needs their text message to keep going.  Someone out there needs DETAILS so I’m sorry if it is too much for you.  But I’m not sorry that my story will be shared, b/c  afterall, that is what life is all about.  Helping others get their moment and reflecting on our own story to say you know what, maybe I’m going through all of this b/c my story will be someone else’s text message. 

So, yep, 17 months have come and gone and looking back I have learned a TON about myself, about Him and about others who have been through some rough times regarding growing a family as well.  Yes there have been rough months, but I must say some months weren't so bad.  Like May- I had trained for 5 months to complete my first tri-athalon and I still deeply wanted to get 'two lines' but I also didnt want to back out of the race, so that month the disappointment wasn't that bad ;)

I am beyond blessed to have a great group of female friends who I can pray with, pray for and grow with.  (if you are interested in the princess posse, let me know…of course there was going to be a plug for that b/c let me tell you, this group is my core!)  You may be thinking why is this so hard on me, I am already lucky enough to have one biological child.  You are correct, I am so grateful!  And how Kaylee came about is a whole other blog entry to be posted some day…let’s just say she is my little lightning bolt and glue to our little family J  However, we want another child just as badly as we wanted the first.  And here is the thing, not everyone wants more than one child.  I am a believer, that a lot of our desires are placed and/or changed on our heart b/c of what God wants for our life.  He could very easily take away the desire for us to want to grow our family and life would proceed…w/ that already full plate.  But that is not our story.    He has begun to mold our hearts into a way I never thought I would see.  He has showed me that He is tired of easy answers for everything b/c life is just not easy.  That is just not the way it goes.  Just when we think we got life all figured out, God throws a curve ball.  He will continue to show us His authority when we think we get authority over something.  If that doesn’t make sense to you..its ok…it makes sense to someone who needed to hear it.

My prayer request is that we discern on if He wants part of our story to include adopting a child from the U.S.  You had to read all of this ‘voice’ just to get to that?  Yep.  Pretty simple actually.  But so very layered and deep at the same time.  You see, adoption is like a pretty big deal.  There is a lot at stake and a lot to gain.  Currently, Phil and I feel called to this path.  We are at the very early stages, but this path has been being paved for awhile…and if I have learned anything in my 29 years, I have learned that God has wired both of us to go from 0-60mph in a second.  I would not be surprised if this all unfolds and we had a newborn in our house by Christmas.  Lord, I’ll need some grace if that is your plan- LOL…just sayin’ wouldn’t be surprised.  Now He has also taught me, that “just when I think I have it figured out…He throws curve balls” so for all I know…we may be waiting to adopt until we’re 80!  Things have already started moving quickly.  We have started telling our family and close friends of our journey and the reactions are varied..which is to be expected.  Many are scratching their heads b/c they had no idea of all the long talks, tears, and yet excitement that has been going on under our roof…others are not surprised at all and are already offering to babysit…others are concerned we are ‘giving up to quick.’  I’ll tell you one thing…we are NOT giving up on anything.  Rather, we are acting on what we are feeling called to do.  There are many more details I could write about specific to this calling, but I will lose all the readers if I go on forever- HA.  So what I’ll do is say if you want to know more don’t hesitate to ask, email, Facebook, tweet, text or send a letter in the mail ;)  (all generations covered there)  My purpose of this post is to ask for prayer but also to be a text message of hope for someone. 

I’ll conclude by telling you that although adoption is second choice for us, it is NEVER second best.  It is second choice only b/c we would LOVE to have another biological child BUT we mostly would LOVE to choose God’s plan for our life which essentially erases our desires and makes His desires first choice anyway.  I am smiling as I type just thinking about it all.  I am smiling thinking about all the NEW joy we can have in our life by giving a child a home.  We recently attended an information meeting on adoption at our church and I couldn’t help by cry the whole time as I started to experience a new kind of joy, a new kind of goosebumps that one must get when you realize you can have all the same joys as you would with a biological child…but then it is multiplied b/c it’s a new kind of joy of WOW this child wouldn’t even have a home if we wouldn’t have acted.  A women shared her story of watching her adopted daughter get baptized at the age of 7.  She balled her eyes out because who knows if her daughter, who was born in China, would have ever even heard the word of God if they didn’t become her parents.  Now that is what gets me fired up!

If this is part of His story for us, I can expect that it will be great.  No one said easy…but He said great (John 15)

One more disclaimer...this is not a plug for adoption.  Adoption is NOT for everyone, in fact, as I already mentioned, I never dreamt it would be for us.  I never really knew anything about it.  We just have a LOT Of reason to believe that it very well may be a part of our story.  So if you are reading and can relate to my story, know that your prayer request can be whatever your heart desires!  

So would you join us on this journey in prayer?  Please pray that we first discern and then if it is indeed His plan, that we jump.  There is a big difference in hearing/confirming His plan and then acting on it.  To ask for prayers on this is a big thing…b/c if people are praying…He moves. 

Tis the season for Thanksgiving.  I’m thankful you read this entire post- HA.  No really, I’m thankful for my family party of 3 and I’m thankful to be a servant for Him even though I am not even close to being perfect, He loves me anyway.

Chairein ya’ll.  Chairein.  Joy to you. ..and maybe an AWE snap too! J